


Boundaries

by ThePreciousHeart



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Acceptance, Asexuality, Birthday, But not that much, Conversations, Developing Relationship, Dialogue-centric, M/M, Short & Sweet, Some Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 16:03:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6057550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePreciousHeart/pseuds/ThePreciousHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a special day for Harry Hart, and what better way to celebrate than with his new boyfriend? He takes Merlin to his home for the first time, where they have some drinks, admire (and shudder) at Harry's home decor, and have an important conversation that establishes their boundaries for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boundaries

       Harry had hardly even taken a step into Merlin’s office before he was casually greeted by the man. “Galahad. Happy birthday.”

       _How does he do it?,_ Harry marveled, gazing at Merlin’s back and at the vast screen of the monitor he busied himself with. There couldn’t be mirrors hidden inside it… Sometimes he had to wonder if Merlin had memorized every agent’s footsteps, or if Harry held that sole honor.

      A warm smile fell over his face as he crossed the floor to Merlin’s side. “One of these days those senses of yours are going to get you into trouble. Just you wait. And thank you.”

       “Can’t see how they would ever be a problem,” Merlin responded. He swiveled his chair around to face Harry, sizing him up from bottom to top with eyes that were all business. “So Galahad, how does it feel to have reached the tender age of thirty-three?”

      “Not so bad, Merlin,” Harry replied. He folded his hands in front of him, noting the softening edges of Merlin’s eyes as he carefully dropped his guard. He could swear he’d never seen the man look at another agent in that way. The thought that this expression was reserved only for him made Harry want to wrap Merlin in an embrace and never let him go, consequences be damned. “Just another day for me, really. I’m surprised you remembered.”

       “I can’t _not_ remember,” Merlin reminded Harry. He began to rise from his chair, and Harry’s heart gave a little leap of joy. “I’ve got all your personal information on file, you know.”

       “Ah, well it’s still the thought that counts,” Harry said breezily. The smile on his face grew wider as Merlin gently took his hand and leaned in to press a kiss to his lips. He wrapped his arm around Merlin’s shoulders and held him there for a few tantalizing moments, enjoying the solid warmth in his arms. Then Merlin broke away, stepping back until the distance between them could no longer be construed as intimate. Quietly Harry swallowed a sigh, wishing that these moments didn’t always have to be so brief. He tried to memorize and relish in the sensation of the embrace before it escaped him entirely.

       “If you came here looking for me to give you a present, I regret to inform you that you’ll be sorely disappointed.” Merlin’s tone was back to businesslike, but Harry spotted a soft flush of red against his skin. He fought the urge to break into a goofy grin at that.

       “I don’t care about presents when you’ve already given me the best one,” he said, gesturing in Merlin’s direction. Merlin gave a dry chuckle. “Such poetry. How long have you been waiting to use that one?”

       “Oh, a week.” Harry blinked coyly under his glasses. “Perhaps a month. I’ll never tell.” Never mind that a month ago, their relationship hadn’t even contained the element of romance. It still felt to Harry that he and Merlin had been together ever since his first mission under Merlin’s guidance. When they finally shared a kiss, two weeks ago in the alley outside of the Blue Heron Pub, it felt like nothing more than a natural progression.

       Merlin shook his head fondly as he returned to his seat, tapping his fingers across the keys of the monitor before him. Harry slid over and watched over Merlin’s shoulder, trying to make sense of his work before internally admitting defeat and turning his expectant attention back to Merlin.

        “So what are you doing down here?” the object of his attention commented, again without looking at Harry. “Just came to see my lovely face?”

        “As a matter of fact, I came looking for a new assignment,” Harry said. One hand crept up the back of Merlin’s chair to rest. He just barely held himself back from settling his fingertips against Merlin’s shoulder. If there was anything he’d learned from working at Kingsman, it was that a distracted Merlin was not a happy Merlin. “Arthur didn’t give me leave to celebrate my birthday- not that I asked for it, so I won’t hold it against him this time- but he also hasn’t given me anything to do. So I came here.”

        “You’re a bit hasty to get back in the field,” Merlin replied, clicking to minimize the screen he was looking at. “Even though your last mission wrapped up just yesterday?”

       “Can’t help it,” Harry said, amused. “Maybe I miss you whispering in my ear all day.”

        Merlin sighed what would have been a long-suffering sigh, but Harry knew he was, on some level, actually pleased to hear Harry’s joke. “Well, if that’s what you miss, then do I have the mission for you.” He rose from his seat, and Harry backed up and watched as Merlin made his way to the filing cabinets against the left side wall.

        “It’s called, help your dear friend Merlin organize his files.” He swept his arm to indicate how much work it was. “It’s a bloody mess, Galahad, and I think you’re the best man for the job. Besides myself of course.”

       Harry chuckled at that, but part of him was a bit miffed. The word rang in his ears- _Friend._ Friend? Was that really how Merlin preferred to designate himself towards Harry?

        Betraying no emotion, Harry walked over to join Merlin at the filing cabinets. It was probably best to get this over with now, so as not to cause any problems in the future. “Excuse me. What do you mean by _friend?_ Is that all I am to you?”

       He’d meant for it to sound joking, in a way, but had to flinch at how the words came out. The joking came across as more of a mask for the dead-seriousness of the query. In turn, Merlin’s face was stoic as he responded.

         “Sorry. Your dear _boyfriend_ Merlin. If you insist.”

       The thrill that went through Harry upon hearing that word was intense, but somewhat tempered by hesitation- perhaps he shouldn’t have pushed the matter. Maybe Merlin wasn’t ready to put a label on this relationship yet. It had, after all, only been going on for two weeks. And in those two weeks, they hadn’t even had a chance yet to go on a proper date, much less set any boundaries between them. Sometimes lines needed to be drawn, and it was important for Harry to know where Merlin stood.

       “I’m not insisting,” Harry said quietly. The urge to take Merlin’s hand came over him, but he held back, determining that it was best to keep his distance. “If this is too much too soon, I’ll back off. I don’t want you to feel pressured to label yourself in-“

       “Galahad,” Merlin cut him off. Perplexed, Harry drew back, and lapsed into silence as a small, rare smile quirked at the edges of Merlin’s lips. “It’s no problem. I’m happy to say the word at last. I hope you feel the same way.”

       At that, Harry felt the thrill return, surging through his body like electricity. “Yes, of course I-“ Suddenly seized by the notion that actions speak louder than words, he impulsively reached to pull Merlin into him by the back of the neck and kissed him, just for one or two seconds before Merlin pushed him away. Vague embarrassment immediately filled him- now what had he just been thinking about lines to be drawn- but not for long, because every other part of him was overcome with joy. So that was it- they really were official now. Harry couldn’t have asked for a better birthday present.

        They set to work on the files, which turned out to be a more laborious task than Harry had originally expected. Not that he was complaining- well, okay, not that he was _effusively_ complaining- because it meant spending more time with Merlin. _His_ Merlin? His _boyfriend._

“Are you doing anything special tonight?” Merlin piped up once they’d worked their way through half of one drawer. “You’re not throwing a party or anything?”

       “Heavens no,” Harry muttered, flicking through the folder in his hand before deeming it complete and putting it back. “Don’t know who’d actually accept on such a short notice. I suppose I’ll go home, make myself some tea, watch a few programs. Just like-“

       “-any other day,” Merlin finished the sentence before Harry could. “So you said. Seems a shame not to at least go out.”

         Harry pursed his lips, acknowledging the thought. “Yes, it will be much quieter at home. Even more so now.” A gray cloud settled across his mind as he thought of Mr. Pickle. Even after two weeks, it was strange not to come home to the sound of excited yapping and toenails clicking against the floor. But being alone at home seemed like a much better alternative than admitting he had no one to invite out. In fact, Merlin was the first member of Kingsman who’d wished Harry a happy birthday without having to be led into the conversation first- not that he’d ever tell Merlin that.

        “But there’s really nothing much I have in mind to do. I’ve never been big on celebrating birthdays.” That was a bit of a lie, but it was the easiest thing for Harry to say to excuse himself. “Besides-“ He reached out and flicked Merlin playfully under the collar. “Who are _you_ to talk, Mr. I’ve Not Left My Office In Three Days?”

        Merlin shot Harry a glare before opening another file and scanning it. For a few moments he seemed preoccupied with his work, until he announced out of the blue, “Would you mind if I dropped in tonight? I don’t care if you don’t celebrate, it certainly doesn’t seem like a day to be alone.”

        _Dropped in? How does he make it sound so natural?_ The prospect took Harry aback for a minute. “Merlin, you’ve never been to my place.”

        “Perfect. Then that means it’s all up to you,” Merlin said, calmly shutting the file and replacing it before reaching for another. He went back to his work, while Harry was left to mull over and decide.

       His initial reaction, of course, was that _yes,_ he should _definitely_ invite Merlin, what better way to spend a birthday than with a new boyfriend? But then a little voice, growing louder and becoming more logical as it spoke, reminded him of what had happened once he started letting his last boyfriend come over nights. He instantly balked at the memory. That was a little more familiarity than Harry preferred at the moment. Maybe some other night, when he was more prepared to establish boundaries and limits and sit down for a long, thorough talk. Just… not this night, not now.

       Fixing a disarming smile upon Merlin, Harry said, “I’m afraid I’ll have to turn you down. I don’t want you to take more time off work than you need to.”

        “Nonsense,” Merlin scoffed at that. “You’re the one who’s always saying I should get out more. Mr. I Won’t Stop Bugging You Until You Go Out With Me.” He reached out and patted Harry’s shoulder, restrained mirth twinkling in his eyes. “I can spare a few hours tonight. Just this once, for you.”

       Hmmm. That showed Harry just how interested Merlin was in coming home with Harry, which only made Harry more eager to keep him away. Silently he considered for a moment while absently reaching for the next file in the drawer, and then came up with, “How kind. If you’re going to come along, we _should_ go out. Maybe buy me a drink?”

         It was a clumsy proposal, and Merlin seemed a little surprised to hear the typically-obstinate Harry change his mind so quickly, but he met Harry’s gaze right away and nodded. “I’d love to, Galahad. It’s a date.”

         “A date,” Harry repeated, smiling and nodding back. “I’ll see you tonight then. Does 17:00 suit you?”

        “Yes. Yes it does.”

         “At the Blue Heron?”

        “Can’t think of a better place for it.”

        And Harry went home that night with a lighter heart than he’d had in days.

*

       Unfortunately, the date didn’t work out quite the way Harry had expected. Merlin arrived right on time, Harry a bit late, but not as late as usual (and he swore it wasn’t his fault). They were both well-dressed and clean and had had no trouble in getting to the Blue Heron Pub. Merlin had even brought something that looked suspiciously like a wrapped present (although he tried to hide it behind his back rather than present it immediately, which Harry found very endearing).

        The problem was with the pub. Just two weeks ago, it had been open when Merlin and Harry shared their first kiss outside of it. But it turned out that a lot could happen in two weeks. Harry met Merlin on the sidewalk outside a locked door and lights switched off. Not a sign of movement or sound came from within.

        “Damn,” Harry muttered, taking a long look at the dismal pub. “I did love this place. Should have checked in on it earlier. Forgive me, Merlin- I’m afraid our date will have to be postponed.”

         “If it’s any consolation, I’m sure I would have been let down anyway,” Merlin replied. “Magic rarely repeats itself. Surely there’s another place you’re willing to try? I’m up for anything.”

        Harry didn’t say anything for a moment, and instead continued to stare up at the burnt-out lights of the pub. Now that he was here, a weariness was overtaking him. Going out had sounded all fine and good, but that was before he’d learned the pub was closed. By the time he and Merlin had made a decision on where to go next, Harry was sure he wouldn’t be in the mood anymore. Already he was starting to feel that he only wanted to return home and brew the tea that was waiting for him.

         Going home, though, meant leaving Merlin behind. And it was unthinkable to leave Merlin behind. Not only would he likely be hurting the man’s feelings, but this was also technically their very first date. It might be their only chance in a long while to actually connect and get to know each other outside of work. But at the same time… Harry shied at the idea of taking Merlin home with him. It could be nice to show him his place, and would probably be useful in the future if their relationship continued for much longer, but there was the possibility that Merlin would get the wrong idea, and _that_ was a conversation Harry didn’t want to approach yet.

        All the while as Harry pondered his options, Merlin stood on the corner and waited, wearing an eased expression of patience. Whether that was real or faked, Harry couldn’t tell, but he quickly became aware that the more time he spent debating his options was more time that could be better spent taking action. He took a deep breath and chose the lesser of two evils. “Actually, I think I’d rather head back to my place. You’re welcome to come too if you like.”

       Just like that, he saw Merlin’s face light up. “That’s an offer I’d be foolish not to accept.”

       “So you won’t then?” Harry joked. “Because you’re already fairly foolish in my book.” He strode right past Merlin’s glower and onto the edge of the street, searching for passing taxis. A faint glow of hope lit inside his stomach. Maybe it would be fun to show off his home to Merlin. He hoped he liked butterflies. Maybe they’d spend the whole night together without ever getting into the talk that Harry just wasn’t ready for. Not on his birthday, at least. Surely the television and the tea would be enough to entertain Merlin, and maybe he’d want to leave on his own accord instead of having to be pushed out.

*

       “No, no, no, don’t try to get out of this one. You were _singing._ I definitely heard at least one lyric.”

       “Swear to God, Harry, that wasn’t singing!” Merlin protested as the taxi pulled up at Harry’s home. “You may have heard a melody, but there were definitely no lyrics. If there were, your ears must have been playing tricks on you.”

       “How can you make such a claim?” Harry playfully fired back, slipping out of the cab. He had half a mind to help Merlin get out too, but at the same time he didn’t want to give the driver any more evidence that they were a couple. Even though he was pretty sure they’d already provided him with more than enough fodder. “My hearing is fine, thank you very much. You’re just embarrassed because you forgot the words.”

        “I didn’t forget the words, I was only _humming_ to begin with,” Merlin replied crossly. “I’m surprised you cared enough to listen anyway.”

       “Of course I listened,” Harry said, reaching out to link arms with Merlin as the taxi sped out of sight. “There’s not much else you can do when you’ve got a microphone stuck in your ear. Anyway, I think I’ve made my point. You’re no fool, Ian, but you do have a tendency for foolish activities.”

       “As do we all,” Merlin sighed. He huddled closer to Harry, wrapping his arm around Harry’s waist, and gazed up at the handsome flat before him. “This is your place?”

       “Of course,” Harry murmured, pretending to keep his eyes forward but really watching Merlin in his peripheral vision to gauge the reaction. Not that he was the type who actively sought to impress people- but Merlin’s approval merited a higher level of importance.

       “Quite nice,” Merlin said appreciatively, and Harry let himself break into a smile. _Already a good sign._ He disentangled himself from Merlin’s embrace and went to unlock the door. “Come on, let’s get inside. Then maybe you can finally put down that package you’ve been trying to hide from me all night.”

       “Package?” Merlin said, obviously trying to sound like he had no idea what Harry was talking about. Discreetly Harry rolled his eyes- how Merlin could keep secrets like a pro at Kingsman and then completely suck at lying to Harry’s face was beyond him.

       “Come on, Ian, even a person without the high observation skills your uncle drilled into me could have noticed. Although they _do_ help. Got to thank the man for more than just introducing us.” Pushing the door open, Harry let Merlin step inside before flipping on the lights. He headed into the kitchen, removing his jacket and hanging it up while Merlin deposited the wrapped package onto the kitchen table.

        “So do I get that now or later?” Harry asked, pointing idly to the package. Though Merlin was preoccupied with taking in the scenery around him, he still had enough presence of mind to answer, “Later. After we’ve had a drink first. I thought you said you weren’t big on celebrating birthdays?”

        “Occasionally I make exceptions,” Harry said, a soft smile tugging at his lips. “Enjoying the view?” He went to the cupboard to draw out the container of tea, and after a bit of debating, headed to the fridge for some gin. It was his birthday- he could afford to live a little.

       Merlin hadn’t budged an inch except to unbutton his coat. He stared at the framed butterflies adorning the walls as if he was transfixed by them. “It seems a little, er, g-“

      “Garish?” Harry suggested, filling the teapot with water. “That seems to be the common consensus.”

       “I was going to say _ghastly,”_ Merlin said, finally turning from the wall to face Harry. “Not a fan of dead insects. I hope you’re not offended.”

        “Not at all,” Harry murmured as he put the stove on. After all, his last boyfriend had held the exact same opinion. As did nearly every Kingsman agent who had the misfortune of meeting at Harry’s house. “It’s surprising how few people I’ve met who share the hobby. You’d best avoid the downstairs toilet then if you don’t like it.” _And you’d REALLY best avoid it when I get Mr. Pickle back from the taxidermist._  “Now, do you want a drink, or do you want a _drink?”_

Soon the two settled down in Harry’s sitting room, Merlin with steaming hot tea in one hand and Harry with a homemade martini in his. Without any preliminaries, Harry turned on the television and flipped through channels for a bit, while Merlin sipped his tea in silence. Though few words were spoken, Harry felt more relaxed and at home than he had been in weeks. Working a mission was always full of excitement and pleasure, and he wouldn’t trade his job as a field agent for anything else, but when all was said and done it was always nice to come home and ground himself. Especially now that he had someone else in his life to share it with.

         After about ten or fifteen channels had gone by, Merlin spoke up. “Forget it, Harry. There’s nothing on.”

       “I suppose you’re right,” Harry replied, without any disappointment. He switched the TV off and took a long, pleasant sip from his martini. “Does this mean we’ll actually have to talk to each other face to face now?”

       “There are worse ways to spend one’s time,” Merlin said lightly. “I’ll start the conversation if you’re having trouble. Harry, your place is lovely.”

       “Why thank you,” Harry replied dryly. “Even the dead insects?” He set his martini glass down on the table beside the sofa, leaning over so he could focus better on Merlin’s handsome eyes. What a shame it was that Merlin’s glasses actually had prescription lenses; it made it that much harder for Harry to admire his eyes. He himself had taken his off shortly after coming home.

       Merlin laughed quietly as he gazed down into the depths of his tea. “Somehow I wouldn’t have expected anything less from you. If there’s one thing that’s consistent about you, Harry, it’s that you always keep me guessing.” Lifting the mug to his lips, he drank deeply from the tea before adding, “That, and you’re never on time for anything.”

       “Excuse me,” Harry began indignantly. “Half the time it’s not even my fault. Take tonight, for example. It was near _impossible_ trying to find an unoccupied cab.”

       “Still,” Merlin continued as if he hadn’t heard Harry, the amused smile on his face beginning to widen, “when you _do_ manage to show up on time, you’re always excellent in the field. I’ll give you that, anyway. Personally I’ve always found you to be one of our most reliable agents.”

       The words of praise had little effect on Harry for what they were- he wasn’t interested in being ranked above or below anybody. But it pleased him to realize that Merlin admired his skills so.

       “Why Ian. Are you trying to flirt?” Slowly Harry slid towards Merlin, close enough so that he could rest his head on his shoulder. “Because if you are, you’ve already done a pretty good job of capturing me.”

        “Not quite yet, I haven’t,” Merlin replied, before lunging suddenly to lock Harry in a bear-hug. Startled, Harry just managed to wrestle free from Merlin’s tight grip, and dodged another attempt to grab him. He held his hands up, pleading. “Stop, stop it. I’d prefer not to think about work on my birthday night.”

       “Sorry, Harry,” Merlin replied, settling back into place on the sofa. The grin had now taken over his face, and Harry fondly mirrored the expression. Unable to resist, he took Merlin’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’ll give you _this_ , Ian- even though you didn’t complete training with us, judging from that attack I’d say you’d make an excellent field agent.”

        “No, I wouldn’t,” Merlin murmured softly, but it hardly seemed like his mind was on the fact. His gaze was focused on Harry, burning intensely. Closer and closer he drew, and Harry ignored the little flinch that went through him. It was just a kiss- there was no harm in that. He met Merlin in the middle, shutting his eyes as their lips met. He focused only on the breathless sensation, on the way Merlin’s hand twitched in his and folded around his fingers.

        After a moment they broke apart briefly to breathe, and then Merlin reached up to cup Harry’s face in his hands. He drew Harry back towards him, and Harry was only too happy to oblige in another kiss. _My Merlin- my Ian. My boyfriend._ He wrapped his arm around Merlin’s neck to bring them even closer, settling his other hand lightly on Merlin’s waist.

       And that was when Merlin made the wrong move. While one hand still traced lines against Harry’s cheek, the other traveled downward, down to his chest. He touched Harry lightly, fingers working against the top button of his shirt. Immediately a warning bell pealed through Harry’s head. Without thinking, he let go of Merlin and broke away from the kiss, moving back an inch to separate himself from Merlin. Merlin, dazed and trying to catch his breath, stared at Harry with an expression of clear confusion.

       “Sorry, Harry… Too much too soon?”

        “No…” Harry murmured breathlessly, and then it slipped out- “Just too much.”

        As soon as the words had left his mouth, he felt as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped on his head. What was he _thinking?_ If he said another word, he would end up stumbling right into the conversation he’d wanted to avoid all night. The best course of action would be to change the subject, _fast._

       Before he could say anything, though, Merlin beat him to the punch. “I’m sorry, Harry. We should have talked about this before. I know it’s unseemly to… do _that_ on our first date.”

        A sharp twinge went through Harry at Merlin’s words- little did Merlin know that being a gentleman was the least of Harry’s worries. But at least it presented a good excuse. He nodded and took a deep breath, composing the lie in his head. “It’s only been two weeks, Ian. I hope you’ll excuse me for not being ready.” There- that was plausible and didn’t promise too much. An explanation packaged neatly and tied with a ribbon on top. Eventually Harry knew the ribbon would have to be cut, but for now, he was perfectly willing to keep quiet. Just long enough to get some more quality time in before the bombshell dropped. _Just not on my birthday._

       “No worries, I understand,” Merlin assured Harry. He pulled his legs up on the sofa and re-settled into position, fixing a long gaze upon Harry before saying, “You’ve never done it before, have you?”

        If Harry had chosen to take a sip of his martini at that moment, he would have choked. _How the hell did he-_ He struggled to keep his expression nonchalant as he thought of something to say, but again, Merlin beat him to it.

        “It’s perfectly all right with me if you haven’t, Harry. There’s no shame in being inexperienced.”

        Finally finding his voice, Harry managed to say, “No, I… I haven’t had sex.” He grabbed his martini and took a long drink to steady himself, hoping that the conversation wouldn’t continue much further and sour the evening’s mood. This was supposed to be a night about enjoying himself, dammit. But of course, Merlin couldn’t just leave that hanging.

        “You haven’t met the right one yet?”

       “No,” Harry muttered, part of him wishing that Merlin would drop it, and another part of him whispering that maybe he should just suck it up and get this out of the way. He’d had enough happiness for two weeks; of course it had to be too good to be true. “I haven’t, but… it’s not like that.”

       “Listen, Harry-“ As if by accident, Merlin’s hand landed on Harry’s, and he stared abruptly down at his rigid fingers, at once too overwhelmed to stand physical contact. “I know there are plenty of people going around saying it’s a sin to love like this. I’m sure they made it all sound very unappealing. But you don’t have to worry, there’s no harm if you do it right, and I’m not going to pressure you into anything you’re not ready for, but I want you to understand that it’s okay to-“

       _“No,”_ Harry blurted forcefully, ripping his hand from Merlin’s. Maybe he was wrong- maybe Merlin wasn’t such an expert at reading people as he appeared to be. “Ian, I- I’m sorry. I’ve not been completely honest with you. The fact is…” He sighed heavily, staring towards the black TV and savoring these last moments of togetherness before he let it drop. “I don’t _do_ sex. I’ve never felt the need, and to be honest, never seen the appeal.”

       There was a moment where all he could hear was the blood pounding in his ears- goodness, if only he could stop getting so worked up- and then Merlin broke the silence with a slightly peeved inquiry.

       “Really? Why didn’t you just _tell_ me that, Harry? Would have saved a lot of trouble-“

       “Because do you have any idea how hard it is to _explain_ this?” Harry burst out all at once. As soon as he’d started speaking, he couldn’t stop, though he was overwhelmed with horror at the thought of oversharing personal matters. “My family couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just settle down with a woman. My last boyfriend took it as a personal affront, thinking I didn’t want to sleep with him because I found him too ugly. I didn’t want to put you through the same, Ian. I didn’t want to run the risk of you not understanding that I like being around you very much, and I’m enormously glad to have you in my life, but even though I find kissing and holding you to be a pleasant experience that doesn’t mean I want to- I want to have _sex_ with you. I just… didn’t want to see you hurt.”

        _And,_ his mind silently added, _I didn’t want to lose you._

Not that he’d ever tell Merlin that.

       Another momentary silence followed, and Harry couldn’t help but glance over to see how Merlin had taken his shameful outburst. He was met with a face as stony as ever, but an intensity lay behind his eyes that was stronger than anything Harry had seen him express before.

      “How hard can it be to explain?” he finally said in a soft voice. “You just did it right now.”

        Bewildered, Harry could only keep staring at Merlin. His fingers clutched at empty air.

      What was going on? Could it really be this easy…?

       “And you accept that?” he whispered at last. Merlin nodded and hesitantly drew closer to Harry on the couch.

        “So what’s off-limits for you? The last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable in this relationship.”

       Still a bit stunned by Merlin’s acceptance, it took Harry a moment to collect himself. He gazed into Merlin’s eyes, hidden beneath his glasses lenses, and filled his mind with every detail of his boyfriend’s handsome face.

         “Well,” he began. “I’m really quite fond of holding your hand.” Reaching out, Harry loosely took Merlin’s hand in his; Merlin let him with ease. Leaning in, Harry gathered Merlin into his arms. “And I love when you place one hand up here, right between my shoulder blades-“ he demonstrated by touching Merlin exactly there, and Merlin followed suit- “and your other hand down _here,_ at the small of my back.” Merlin’s hand traveled down, and Harry let out a content sigh through his nose. “Yes, exactly like that. And I haven’t tried this yet, but- wait a minute-“ Gently Harry rested his cheek against Merlin’s shoulder, tucking his head under Merlin’s chin. “Aha, just right. Occasionally I like leaning my head on your shoulder, just like that.”

       They stayed in that dreamy embrace for a brief moment before Merlin said in a low voice, “What about kisses?”

        “Kisses are a bit more specific,” Harry said, reluctantly withdrawing his head from Merlin’s shoulder, although his hands remained right where they were. At the sight of Merlin’s expectant face, his heart swelled full of affection. _He’s learning. He WANTS to learn!_

       “A kiss on the cheek can be fleeting, but pleasant,” he said, pecking Merlin’s right cheek. “Kisses on both cheeks are a bit excessive, but necessary if you can’t touch my lips for whatever reason. Illness, for example.” Daintily he gave Merlin a kiss on each cheek, and then reached up to tap him on the forehead.

       “Forehead kisses- now, those are one of the nicest kisses one can receive.” Harry drew forward and pressed his lips softly, lingeringly, to Merlin’s creased forehead. The latter stayed just as still as he had throughout the proceedings so far. When Harry pulled away, he took the moment to admire the softness in Merlin’s eyes, an expression he so rarely saw in public, before reaching up to tenderly stroke Merlin’s cheek. “Sometimes two hands on my face feels a bit stifling, but I never mind when you hold me with one. I love it when you stroke my hair.” He ran his fingers across Merlin’s head. “And as for the grand finale…”

       Without further explanation, Harry leaned forward and caught Merlin’s mouth with his lips. He closed his eyes and melted into his boyfriend’s warmth. Merlin was a bit hesitant, trying not to overstep his boundaries, but to Harry that only made the kiss sweeter, because it meant Merlin was _trying,_ he was _memorizing,_ he was _learning,_ and most importantly, he was accepting _. He was accepting._ For the first time that Harry could recall, it seemed he finally had a boyfriend who was willing to accommodate Harry in every way. It only made him kiss Merlin harder, though his lips never parted.

        When they broke apart, Merlin looked a little flushed and breathless. He let go of Harry, though Harry didn’t let go of him, releasing everything but his hand.

       “That’s the kind of kiss I prefer,” he said calmly. “As long as you don’t open your mouth _too_ much or worse, stick your tongue inside my-“ The mental image suddenly made Harry want to gag, so he left the sentence unfinished. “And as long as you remember to only kiss me in the places I kissed you. No neck, no chest, and definitely nothing further than that. Have you got it?”

      “Yeah,” Merlin breathed. “Yeah, I’ve got it.” He stared blankly at Harry in a way that at first made Harry think he hadn’t been paying attention, but then it hit him- Merlin was _dazzled._ Merlin was accepting.

       “Will it be all right for you?” Harry murmured fervently, suddenly worried. An equal relationship was supposed to benefit each partner, after all. “You won’t- resent me for not being able to provide you with sex?”

       “Harry,” Merlin said, half-laughing, shaking his head in bemusement. “I couldn’t resent you for anything, especially not something that’s in your nature. I didn’t kiss you at Blue Heron because I wanted to sleep with you- I kissed you because I wanted _Harry Hart_. I want everything that you have to offer me, and nothing that you don’t.” He hesitated. “Except maybe the part of you that collects dead insects. Because that’s just _odd.”_

       “Such poetry,” Harry chuckled, trying to pull off an impression of his boyfriend. “How long have you been waiting to use that line?”

        Merlin’s expression took a turn for the mischievous, and his voice took on a posh English accent, much better than Harry’s imitation Scottish accent. “Oh, about a few hours now. Perhaps a day. You’ll never know.” He leaned over and kissed Harry on the cheek, leaving him with an incredibly foolish smile on his face. Not that Merlin’s face was much better.

       “Is there anything that’s off-limits for you?” Harry said in a moment. “Not that it will ever come into play with us, but I want to know just in case.”

        He didn’t expect Merlin to become flustered for the first time that night. “Er. No. As a matter of fact, there’s nothing I’ve tried that I haven’t liked. Excluding, of course, sex with women.”

       Harry’s eyebrows shot up. “Fascinating. And I thought _I_ was the one who kept _you_ guessing.”

       “Shut it,” Merlin mumbled, patting Harry’s knee and then rising from the couch. “I think it’s about time for your present now. How does that sound?”

        “Sounds good to me.” Harry finished off his martini as Merlin headed back to the kitchen. He came out holding the wrapped package towards Harry, who swiped it as soon as it was within reach. Carefully he tore off the paper and undid the bow, revealing a box with a bakery’s logo on it.

        “Oh, Ian, you didn’t.”

        “What can I say,” Merlin stated. “It’s unnatural to celebrate a birthday without cake. Go on and open it up.”

       Harry did, and found himself grinning in awe at the cake. Right below the fancily-inscribed _Happy birthday, Harry,_ was Kingsman’s logo drawn in icing.

       “Tell me you didn’t find it in stores looking like this.”

       “Are you kidding? It was impossible to have work like this done on a short notice, so I just bought a plain cake and did the rest of the icing myself. Otherwise I’d have never exposed Kingsman’s symbol,” Merlin explained. “I hope it’s not complete shite.”

        “It’s anything but,” Harry replied, gazing happily up at Merlin so his boyfriend could see how satisfied he was. “Thank you so much, love. I hope you brought the candles too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just three things to note:
> 
> First, I hope I portrayed asexuality in an accurate and respectful way.
> 
> Second, the whole time I was writing this I kept wanting to step inside Merlin's head. Writing from his perspective would likely have changed a few moments of character interaction as well. So I might rewrite this from Merlin's point of view (and post it as a second chapter to the fic. I don't know, I haven't decided).
> 
> And third, some of the dialogue referenced headcanons I have, which I wrote out more explicitly in another one-shot that's posted on Fanfiction.net, not here. In case you're interested in knowing more, it's called "Behind the Screens" and is posted under the same username I use here. (Not going to link it here because I prefer to keep those accounts separate.)
> 
> Also, for anyone who didn't read "Somebody Stepped Inside Your Soul" or the author's note for it, I'm calling Merlin Ian because I thought he looks like a person whose name is Ivan, but Ian works better etymologically.
> 
> Well... hope this was an enjoyable piece!


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